Just the one...

Daydreams

2011-08-01T16:46:00.000-07:00

So I'm working in pest control again, the greatest thing about this job is it offers me the opportunity to meet a lot of different people and do a lot of contemplating and daydreaming. For instance, the other day I was doing a service on a house and their next door neighbors had around 50 garden gnomes in their yard. I had just found out I was getting a couple roommates unexpectedly in a couple days so I wasn't in the most chipper of moods. So I started thinking, what would I do if I owned a home and my neighbor had an unhealthy hoarding obsession with garden gnomes? I came up with this plan…

Each night, under the cloak of darkness I would sneak next door and rearrange the gnomes into epic battle scenes, one may be Braveheart themed and I would paint half of the gnomes faces blue. One might be civil war themed with the North and South, but each day they would get progressively more violent and gory. Maybe they would call me up or knock on my door and ask if I had seen the people who did this and I would just play dumb and say things like "those darn teenagers with their practical jokes… Do you think we ought to just get rid of the gnomes and solve the problem?" If they didn't, I would take it to the next level. The next night I would stack them one on top of the other and place a lock picking kit in the top gnome's hand with the lock picker still in the dead bolt, like the gnomes were trying to get into the house but were thwarted when the sun came up just a moment too early. At this point I imagine the people would be getting nervous that perhaps there were no pranksters at all and the gnomes actually came to life in the light of the moon. As an act of neighborly compassion I would then take them a plate of brownies tolet them know how sorryI am they picked out the possessed gnomes. Secretly though, I would sneak in some of the gnomes and place some under their bed or in their closet with a butchers knife and a little note saying "I gnome what you did last summer"… Eventually they would have no choice but to get rid of them, and I would smile. Victory… Anyway, just some thoughts that ran through my mind.

2011-04-12T11:00:00.001-07:00

In less than two weeks I am once again driving away from Utah and headed toward a new adventure. This time... Atlanta. It felt like it was time to add another city to my list. I love the southern accents, the artsy community of Virginia Highlands and dinner parties on sun porches. Here are a few shots from the last time I visited, I can't wait for the next chapter.

To the 'Rents'

2011-01-19T14:52:00.001-08:00

I’m back in the home of my parents. Crash landing is always full of irony. I forgot how nice it is to feel the warmth, security and love that are always in these walls. As much as all those secrets hurt and despite the turmoil we’ve all been through we somehow manage to keep it safe and open. I am continually grateful for how often I am welcomed with open arms and I have been grateful for the times when I was pushed to stand on my own. I’m 24 and getting old… I found a gray hair today; I’ll attribute it to my growing wisdom and distinguishing nature. I can’t imagine being a parent to adult children; I can’t imagine a more difficult line to have to toe. I know so many times they’ve wanted to grab my shoulders to shake the stupidity from my head, but instead they allowed me to find my way on my own. I know it’s hard to watch your children’s faith waiver and change throughout their lives, but what an invaluable lesson to learn to soften your heart. Through everything I think this is what I have learned most from my parents. Last night I expressed to my mom that I was cold the night before so she responded by bringing me another blanket and wrapping it around me in a hug while laughing. I cannot adequately express how much I love and look up to my parents. Their quiet strength, unwavering faith and steady support have been instrumental to my life. Thank you mom for teaching me to care for others and to dad for teaching me how to laugh and think for myself. I love you guys.

Epiphaknees

2010-02-11T10:29:00.000-08:00

So I’ve had a few epiphanies lately and I thought I’d share…

1. Being an A-hole is unacceptable. Universal truth: If you are an A-hole it WILL come back around to you. Being negative and hard on people and talking shizwalla WILL INDEED be returned. Karma is a beeeotch!

2. Your life and livelihood is all in the way you look at it. I could say I’m broke OR I could say I have adequately spent :-) Here’s another universal truth I heard from the great Ulla Septon, Needing things tend to repel them. When we feel we have enough and are satisfied, anything extra is just icing on the cake.

3.Learning takes patience and yelling at those who are teaching you won’t help you absorb information any better.

I literally cannot wait to have another adventure. I’ve been in Utah for about 6 months and its time to go experience something else again. I’ve also realized I have some difficult requests I’ve asked of people lately so let me just get them out and you tell me if they’re too arduous…

1. Clean up after yourself
2. Don’t sit in my leather office chair without a shirt on and fall asleep with your hand on my computer mouse
3. Please refrain from sitting on my actual couch and put a blanket underneath you (seriously, you’re turning my cushions black)
4. (Also relating to my couch) Please refrain from sitting in the middle of my couch for 3 days straight. My cushions are starting to suck me into the middle crevasse every time I sit down. Instead, rotate on the sides as well.
5. Don’t take my kitchen utensils into your shower to itch your back
6. Don’t smoke cigarettes underneath my window where my vent sucks the air straight into my room
7. Don’t smoke cigarettes period! They aren’t allowed on the property and we could all get fined!
8. CLEAN OUT THE LINT COLLECTOR IN THE DRYER!
9. Wipe off the counter of all crumbs and fish food…
10. Wash your hands so that you don’t leave black marks on the walls, doors and cupboards. We aren’t cavemen or 4 year olds, we have soap

Hmmm was that some of that shizwalla I was talking about NOT saying… Meh, venting is healthy too :-)

2010-01-25T10:11:00.000-08:00

I value friendship a great deal. The relationships that we have in this life are some of the most important things we will take to the next. I will miss my friends who have gone onto the next step and I will always hope that they will find the peace they were unable to find on earth. I will miss your laugh and your quick and witty remarks. I will miss your ability to laugh at anything and everything and your gift of not taking things too seriously. I don’t think anyone can prepare for the pain you had to endure and I’m sorry for not being there more often than I was. I miss your interest in literally everything and how fully you enjoyed life. I will miss your sincere notes and how wonderful your heart was. I thank you for your kindness and compassion and for loving me when I didn’t deserve it. I won’t forget our Sunday drives and neighbor visits and laughing while we listened to whatever new band you were listening to from whatever country. I won’t forget your generosity or friendship; you were loyal when few were. I will miss you very much and I am sad that we won’t be able to watch you achieve the wonderful things you were destined for. I am happy you are reunited with those that watched over you and cherished you most. I will miss your mind, you were brilliant and you inspired people wherever you went. I love you and I miss you, I wish I would have said that more.

Musicology

2010-01-18T14:57:00.001-08:00

So I've been somewhat obssascinated with some music I have recently discovered. Well some newer than others, but life changing none the less.
First and foremost, if you haven't listened to Sia enough to fully appreciate the amazing production on her albums you seriously need to. I have been super into the songs Lentil, Sweet Potatoes, Little black Sandals and Numb.

Second, Horse Feathers I have been thoroughly enjoying their newest album, really simple yet brilliant!

Zooey Deschanel is not only one of my favorite actresses right now but her Band She & Him has an awesome throwback sound that is a breath of fresh air in our current musical climate.

One song in particular from the band Chairlift "Bruises" has also been on the list of my favorites lately.

Oh, and I can't forget Northern Lights by Bowerbirds, So amazing. Thank you Jess for the recommendation :-)

I've had a lot on my mind lately and I found these songs to be exceptionally helpful in the clearing of the head department. Hope you listen and hope you enjoy. If you want to hear more than the preview iTunes provides try the website Lala.com which works alongside iTunes however the songs are cheaper and you have the option of buying online versions of songs for only 10 cents... Probably my new favorite music website :-)

Swined

2009-12-09T16:33:00.000-08:00

It’s called the swine flu because for about 7 days this is how you feel!!!

I know that everyone is sitting in their homes terrified of the swine flu but let me just say I had it and I’ve very nearly conquered it! Its felt like a cold and cough, I can’t eat much and I stayed in bed for 3 days except to use the restroom. I’m getting used to everyone at home and work calling me “swine.” I think of it as more of a term of endearment. Someone told me to stop kissing pigs, I maintain I was rufied (sp?)...

Also, I was thinking about the days when I could sleep in until 2 and stay out until 5 and I kind of miss them. I remember how upset my dad always was with me for my schedule and I remember asking him one day “at what point does all this become endearing?” I look forward to the time when all my weird quirks and abnormal behaviors will endearify me :-)

My two thoughts today are completely unrelated, just a couple things I was thinking about. Oh by the way, I have a new multimillion dollar idea I would let you know what it is but well… You know… I'll update you all very soon

2009-10-08T11:34:00.000-07:00

If you’re writing a blog should you have something to write about? Can I be so presumptuous to think that my life might be interesting enough to blog about? Do I have enough simple events that end with a humorous twist? I’ve been really negative lately, I keep wondering why. I also feel like a loose cannon, it would feel like I was divulging too much about my personal life to say that, except that the word cannon is involved so it can’t be too personal right? The other day while I was sitting on the couch in my work out gear contemplating working out for 3 hours I had a thought. I have a friend whose mother always wants her to spend time with her; this is actually a really sweet thing except that my friend prefers to be an extremely busy individual. I was thinking how as kids everything in our lives revolves around our parents, we depend on them to entertain us, provide activities and rides to anywhere and everywhere. This pattern continues until we no longer depend on our parents for money, food or shelter. At this point (granted all of the kids have left the nest) our parents turn to us for the very things we depended on them for in the beginning. Suddenly the tasks that consumed them with raising us are gone and they aren’t sure when to parent and when to let us be adults. After thinking about this for a few hours it was too late to work out. I thought it was an interesting thought, maybe not blog worthy but its mine so deal.

2009-09-24T13:32:00.000-07:00

Why is it that in a world of drab insurance companies IHC seems sooooo much better... I'll tell you. Most of the time hold music is glorified elevator music, cheesy jazz or old songs I've never heard before, but today I heard something different. I was slouched over my desk on hold with IHC when bayam!!! The most motivating uplifting hold music came on... TOTALLY CHANGED MY LIFE. I wish I could find the composer because somehow while sitting here accomplishing nothing really at all I felt like I conquered everest. There is no point to this post other than this: Three cheers for amazing hold music, may it be more common in the future.

2009-09-24T09:33:00.000-07:00

Soooo a lot has happened since my last post, blame it on the fact that I was stranded in a town called Buena Vista about 10 minutes from Lexington Virginia. Last August on a whim I decided to contact the coach at SVU to see if I could play basketball for the university. Many phone calls, interviews and seminary packets later I was driving out to Virginia for school. Surprisingly the only thing I didn't have to prove was that I could play basketball... odd...

After basketball season was over I was recruited by the "Colonel" to play softball, I repeatedly told him I didn't know how to play softball but he insisted that he only needed bodies. I was forced to agree when an equipment bag was dropped off at my apartment. After the first few practices it was apparent that the Colonel believed that athleticism=knowledge, this however was not the case and I was completely lost on what to do. He coined a phrase the "Cardi sneak" because I could never figure out how to approach the bases which resulted in me stutter stepping up to the bases (this happened in games as well). The colonel was a retired air force colonel (obviously) and was pretty intense, I never had to yell at a coach to get him to listen without him flying off the handle, it was really the only way to communicate with him. I actually got along really well with him and softball was my best experience out there. The team drove a worn out airport shuttle of some sort, the carpet siding was coming off and it smelled like "old". The van was really tall and the Colonel drove it like the Dukes of Hazard. Our softball field was up a dirt road next to the mountain so there were a few dips, hills and turns to get there. The Colonel flew us around in the van like an off road jeep, I would start sweating as soon as the key turned in the ignition and couldn't stop until we arrived safely on the grass of our softball field (literally on the grass). I'm not sure why he always parked the shuttle next to left field as it was hit repeatedly during games and A-bax (left fielder) put a hole in my window with one of her rocket throws (which later soaked my pillow on a rainy day on a road trip).Virginia doesn't have the best grass, mostly its onion grass and not smooth at all, these were the conditions of our outfield, it was a constant gamble as to whether I would be getting facial reconstructive surgery after practice. We had one game the entire season that was played on a field with a smooth outfield (our city league fields in Utah were nicer than all but one field we played on). When we pulled up and saw the field we were all really excited but at the same time wondering why our coach wasn't parking the shuttle in the parking lot and continued to drive up on the grass... We were all horrified and embarrassed as he maneuvered the van next to right field, it wouldn't have been so bad except while we were maneuvering we had to go over a little ditch and when the shuttle started the incline our old rusted bumper carved out an enormous chunk of grass which continued to hang from the shuttle the entire double header... To make matters worse the automatic door in the front was broken so our coach had to get out and open the back door and we all piled out the back of the bus. We always left our mark :-)

This is what the van looked like if you add some rust, dents and broken windows...

Buena Vista had one main street, one restaurant (Don Tequilas, which should be named Don diarrhea's) and two gas stations. this is an actual picture bragging about the parks in the town. It truly is one of the finest land marks...

It wasn't the easiest place to live as the only place resembling a real city was an hour away in any given direction. Looking back I really loved it there, I learned a lot.

1. Franks for the memories hot dog stand are the greatest hot dogs ever

2. W&L and VMI have amazing hidden racquetball courts in their basements

3. Don't mess with small town locals

4. If you have a long road trip in an old van bring a sheet

5. Enjoy every experience no matter how lame it seems at the time because they are the things you will have the fondest memories of.

Bloggins

2008-10-06T14:35:00.000-07:00

I haven’t written a blog for a while, maybe I got a life, maybe not… Hmmmm I’ve decided it is a lot harder to figure out what is on my mind lately, there’s way too much to filter through. Seems like boredom is usually the topic of my blogs, that’s super exciting… Maybe it’s because I am always writing these at work. So here I am, a couple years later, here’s the update… Still working a job I don’t like and in all reality am probably being severely overpaid for the amount of actual work I do in a day… Is that a problem? At a time when everything is a reality show I was trying to think what mine would be like, probably something like this… Wake up and get ready, on the way to work I would talk about just how awesome my life is and how magnificent it is in its anonymity. I would then be filmed for 8 hours sitting in a cubicle crunching numbers and sending out insurance claims… The show would capture me wasting the first hour and a half of work waiting to go to the gas station then talking to my co-workers about whatever new money making scheme I’m working on. These usual consist of things such as egg donation, professional dog shower, Pet detective, Bootlegger, Art seller, Stripper, etc… Then I get a couple hours of work in before lunch which is spent at my house thinking about what other jobs I could do to make money, I’m thinking one in which I don’t have to go in but can still collect a steady paycheck. After lunch I try to get my numbers up for productivity for the day but this only lasts until 3:30 at which time I go on my rounds to visit random people around the office. At some point I find different games to play with members of my office. These are usually things like juggling, Chair extender (kicking off of a wall and competing to see how far you can get down the hallway, there is actually a lot of strategy involved in this one), rubber band shooting and target practice, lasso, or plotting office pranks… Finally at 5 I get to leave which is when I go sleep for a couple hours after which I go running or work out for about an hour then shower and go to bed only to wake up and do the same thing again the next day. I hate my job, I’m not even sure how I got into this line of work, anyone who knows me has to wonder why I ended up in a job where I sit behind a desk all day… Its like I slipped, fell and landed in a big steaming pile of corporate run insurance and financial advising poopy shiz… A little part of me dies everyday. There isn’t a whole lot left. I’m concerned my facial expression is going to be permanently stuck with furrowed eyebrows. I’ve already noticed a difference...

Oh Hellooo...

2008-06-27T11:07:00.000-07:00

Hey ya'll, its been a while. This post is mainly for Niki, I'm going to teach you something vital right now. When you want to save a picture to your computer that you find on the web all you have to do is right click and select "save to desktop" This way you can have all of these pictures for your own private collection too!!!! YAY!!!! Anyhoo here are some of the pictures from my trip to Houstonia.

A shout out to my beehotches!!

2008-06-06T08:47:00.000-07:00

Just a tribute to my readers. Thanks to both of you, it is because of you I have more than just an audient.

A part of me died today...

2008-06-03T15:21:00.000-07:00

I'm not sure how to feel today... A large part of me has passed on, never to return. I have stayed at a job long enough to get a nametag... What has happened to me. I'm seriously drooping my head as I write this, and getting more depressed by the word. This is really all I have to say, I can say no more.

Birthday

2008-05-23T13:41:00.000-07:00

People at the office go all out. However, only GeAnna would have a ribbon and crown on hand for such an occasion...

Shark Attack!!!!!!!!!

2008-05-15T13:30:00.001-07:00

When I first received my new desk there was a very large chunk missing. I was extremely confused about it. First of all no one else had any problems with their desks so I was sure it was no accident that I received the damaged one and the smallest office. Not that it bothers me, in fact I believe that it adds character to the desk and my travesty of an office. I just had no idea the kind of danger I was in... Below you will see the missing chunk that was the source of my confusion...

While I was click clacking away at my tedious work I heard crunching and what seemed like something very large flailing around. When I went to investigate this was what I found!

Eat your heart out Shark Week!!!

2008-05-09T09:38:00.000-07:00

It has been an ongoing fight and continual struggle to be "business appropriate" while maintaining my style. Apparently my vans won't fly with business pants... Ok no problem. So...

I went to the store and bought some Sperry shoes. I thought that these would be nice enough, they were at least as nice as the slip on ballerina type shoes everyone else wears, Nope those didn't work either... Now at this point I'm getting extremely annoyed because I bought shoes specifically for work and now I don't have the budget for another pair. Sooooo... Here is my revenge.

When I was in 8th grade I bought some Dr. Martins and thought they were the best shoes ever. I found these in my closet the day I was told I wasn't "business appropriate" how these shoes are anymore business appropriate I don't know. I think I mainly just brought it all to a point that no one wanted to argue with me anymore. So here they are in all their glory!!

Luckily because of the complete and total travesty these shoes are I have gotten to a point where I can just wear some leather flip flops. Moral of the story, "if at first you don't succeed try try again, eventually it will be ugly enough others will become embarrassed for you." Lets just hope I don't get bothered anymore, even I don't want to stoop to this level just to prove a point, but I will...

2008-05-06T10:56:00.000-07:00

So I'm pretty much obsacinated with Silversun Pickups lately, if you haven't listened to them DO IT NOW!!

New Hair!!!

2008-05-02T14:19:00.000-07:00

Vogue called... They want me to be professionally good looking...

Another Perk

2008-05-02T14:13:00.001-07:00

Being bored out of my mind also allows me to be somewhat creative. This was just to give myself a laugh...

Being bored out of my mind also allows me to be somewhat creative. This was jsut to give myself a laugh...

I Refuse!!

2008-05-02T13:33:00.000-07:00

Its true! I am working my life away these days. The good news: I bought a car finally. The bad news: everything besides the money. I have found myself in a whirlwind of office humor and water cooler talk. I feel that my sense of humor is severely suffering. I recently cut my hair, it was something I had to do to force myself to just let my hair down and get saucy! I have a boss who is insistent on calling me Shelby, I am beginning to realize that many people at my place of work is confused about what I am all about. They first thought I was a hippy/granola type who liked to go green and was too natural to go fake tanning. Today she made a comment that I should get a black bandana with pink skulls on it and rock that... Ummmm no. I think it is partially my fault because I refuse to move into my office and make it look decent. In an act of rebellion (because my boss wouldn't let me wear my shoes to work because they weren't high heals or leather) I decorated my office as ugly as possible. I went around the office and found the ugliest pictures and the most disgusting decorations I could find. I refuse to decorate my bookshelf, I feel that if I make it a pleasant environment I will be tempted to stay, I have NO desire to stay in a job that puts me behind a desk for 8 hours a day. Things aren't all bad though I upgraded at this job and now have a window, the only downside is that my view is a cement slab, but I do get a small stream of light coming in at certain times of the day!! My favorite part of my office is a painting of a girl in a pilgrim-esche get up picking berries. My headstrong femanist boss finds it offensive and always comments "Why can't she be in a business suit on the way to a board meeting." Never a dull moment... Michael Scott, meet Sheri Corona.